I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
