Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
jump out the window naked night went bad
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