i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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