He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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