I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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