I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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