what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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