Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
