I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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