You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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