..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
