The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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