I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
