just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
