I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
