i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize