there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
