Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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