We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
