Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
