I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
