I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
