don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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