Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
