Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
