they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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