She's JV to your varsity
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
