So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
