I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
