honey bunches of taint.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need moral support for this bender
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
