in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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