so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
