the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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