Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize