our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
