I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
