If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
