ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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