Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
