boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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