She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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