This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
