Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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