He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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