ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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