I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
