I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
