I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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