Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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