How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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