i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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