the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
