mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
