idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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