Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
