If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
