It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
