Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
