I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
