I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
