My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My liver just broke up with me...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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