At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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