We named our party play list daddy issues
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
