ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
