Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
