i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
