I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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