Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
