What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Text me some of your sweat
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