About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize